I was chatting with friends yesterday about discussing politics in today’s social climate. They wondered why I would want to given how ugly and contentious it often becomes. I told them that engaging on hot-topics helps me practice my tolerance–like any skill, it feels easier when exercised consistently. It gets me out of my own self-validating bubble and helps me understand others who, by and large, feel just as passionately about their point of view.
But, if these discussions rarely change anyone’s mind, why bother to “enter the fray” at all?
Years ago when I was but a fresh-faced college student, I stood waiting at a bus stop with a handful of others. An older woman ambled down the sidewalk. We all shifted to allow her room to pass, but at the moment she came abreast of me, she whirled toward me, cursing, flailing her arm angrily, and spat: “YOU GET OUT OF HERE! WE DON’T WANT ANY OF YOUR KIND AROUND HERE! YOU HEAR ME? GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE!!!” I backed away at her continued abuse, darting glances at my fellow bus-stop crowd, because, obviously, I did not know this woman, she did not know me, and yet for some reason in her mind, I was THE ENEMY.
It may sound insignificant as stories go. How much harm could an elderly homeless woman do to a 19-year-old at a bus stop in broad daylight? The bus soon arrived, I climbed aboard, and we headed to campus.
But the tears came only when one of the handful of people who’d witnessed this exchange touched my arm and said, “She’s not right in the head. She didn’t mean that for you.” And I realized, that what I needed most in that bizarre, hate-filled, unfairly targeted moment was someone to acknowledge that they SAW and they recognized it was not right, and this wasn’t okay. What that woman gave me–even though she likely felt as powerless as I did to change the misdirected hate in that old woman’s mind–was the knowledge that I wasn’t alone, sometimes people are hurtful, and we don’t have to pretend it’s normal or okay.
Which is my long-winded way of saying that sometimes when I post or talk about hot-topic issues, it’s not that I believe I’ll change hearts and minds with my words, it’s because there may be someone out there who needs to know they have an ally. <3
To those friends, I say…
I SEE YOU.
YOU’RE NOT ALONE.
SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE HURTFUL.
WE DON’T HAVE TO PRETEND IT’S OKAY.
